The Pros and Cons of Therapy
I met someone recently who asked me (suspiciously) if I was a former banker?
Well, I explained, technically no, I wasn’t a banker…
…but I had to admit that in my former career I <had> worked in corporate finance.
I re-assured them that I hadn’t worked in the financial services industry for 10 years now and that, ever since then, I had been repaying my debt to society.
The main way that I’ve been trying to do that since then is via my writing / scribbling / coaching.
I started out focussed narrowly on money, investing and financial coaching. But I couldn’t ignore how many people interested in FIRE were actually suffering from burnout in jobs they hated. And so, over the years, I broadened out into career change and health.
I also considered becoming a therapist: I spent a year or so completing levels 1 and 2 of the 5 levels of the training to become a qualified therapist / counsellor.
As part of the training, we swapped roles between being the therapist and being the client. Both roles were interesting and I enjoyed the free therapy that I received.
In the end, I decided against becoming a qualified / regulated therapist because I had some doubts as to how useful the whole therapy thing might be?
There is a big chunk of the population who are never going to go to therapy. Even it was free, I reckon many people would pay NOT to go to therapy.
And to be fair, for many years I would have been one of those people.
I know that it’s good to talk. There is value in being able to have honest conversations in confidence with someone who has dealt with a lot of problems like yours before.
But, on the other hand, as a bloke brought up in 1980s Britain, I have to wonder: has the whole therapy industry gone too far? Or, to put it another way…is therapy a scam?
Every week in my coaching, I get reminders that there is value in talking.
People tell me almost every day that the process of airing challenges / thoughts / frustrations / rants has value to them.
I would like to think that I add value to these conversations, but the truth is that just the act of opening up to a third party can provide new perspectives on your problems.
A lot of clients tell me that just the process of writing me a briefing note before we speak is incredibly helpful for ordering their thoughts and brining order to chaos.
Everyone has problems. And self-sufficient people (like you and I) often believe that we can think ourselves out of our problem alone.
In my 30s I made at least one disastrous career decision that I made all by myself and could have been averted just by speaking to someone sensible.
So yes, I think it’s good to talk. With other people. With other people that might gently tell you when you are not thinking straight.
What are the limitations of therapy?
I don’t agree with the idea that everything can be solved just by talking about it.
If I have a broken leg, I don’t want a shrink to ask me about my childhood and how I <feel> about the bone sticking out of my thigh…I want a surgeon to fix the damn thing.
The most common forms of mental health problems are depression and and anxiety. Yet therapy doesn’t seem to be particularly effective for these. These problems are complex and multi-factoral. Talking is not an effective cure for depression.
Various studies show that the most effective intervention when dealing with depression is not therapy, it’s not drugs...it’s exercise. It’s getting up and going for a run…or, even better, dancing:
Source: Erik Hoel
When I felt depressed in a job that I was ill-suited for (in my early 30’s) I found that the most effective interventions were:
No alcohol
More sleep
Running / cycling
Time outdoors / sunlight
Changing job
I didn’t even bother going to the doctor because I didn’t want to end up on addictive anti-depressant drugs.
I didn’t bother going to a therapist because…well, I was male and British and…do you really need any more reasons?!?
Instead, I went for a run. I also got serious about saving, investing and building my financial runway.
And, when I got a new job, the problem went away. Maybe I should file that under “N” for “No Shit, Sherlock?
"Run it off"
Even therapists will tell you that therapy is not always effective.
The most effective intervention when dealing with depression is not emotional support or psychiatric medication or even talk therapy.
It's behavioral activation...behavioral activation means doing things when you don't feel like doing them
Of course, this is hard to do. There are few things that are more difficult than moving against our emotional impulses. However, it's important to appreciate that it is also hard <not> to do, as this typically means persisting in a depressive state.
And if it's painful either way, then pain can't reasonably be a criterion in our decision. Rather, we must choose the path that takes us where we want to go and hope that the destination justifies the pain of the journey.
Dr Orion Taraban (a therapist!)
Dr Orion Taraban is not the only therapist that has some qualms about the traditional model of talk therapy.
Or at least, that there might be limits to the usefulness of therapy.
For anyone interested in this question, I would also recommend the film Stutz, a fascinating documentary about an unconventional Hollywood therapist who thinks that most therapy is too slow, too expensive and short on <actionable> advice.
Stutz is the kind of guy I would want as my therapist…if you were being an idiot, he would actually tell you straight.
When I felt depressed back in my early 30s, I realised that I needed some new perspectives.
I was an idiot and too tight / repressed / sceptical to pay for therapy.
But I have a rule never to penny pinch on books…and one of the books that I found priceless for combating anxiety was “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson.
Stop Thinking, Start Living
I am currently reading another one of Carlson’s books “Stop Thinking, Start Living” which, as you may already have guessed, is about over-thinking.
Carlson explains how your thinking can determine how you feel…thoughts create emotions that act as triggers for action (determination, greed, fear, anger, hope can all be powerful motivating emotions) or inaction.
If you focus your attention on thinking about your past / your trauma / your problems / your limitations, then that’s probably going to put you into a low mood…and that is ineffective. Here’s how Carlson puts it:
Use your own common sense to answer the following question:
If negative feelings are caused by negative thinking, then what possible good can it do to overanalyse the negative parts of your life?
If you spend a great time rehearsing potential problems, dwelling on what’s wrong and thinking and talking about problems, two things are likely to happen.
First you will become an expert in your problems. Not an expert in solving your problems but an expert in describing them. Therapists will love you!
Second, you will be depressed. This is true because thoughts tend to grow with attention. The more attention you give to what you are thinking, the bigger that thought becomes in your mind and the more important that thought will seem.
You cannot think your way out of a depression
You cannot think your way out of a depression. The reason: when your spirits are low you will generate negative thoughts.
All you will see is negativity. You already know that your thoughts determine how you feel: thus, when you think in a depressed state of mind you will only make matters worse. The famous American football coach, Vince Lombardi once said: “Just because you’re doing something wrong, doing it more intensely isn’t going to help.”
No idea applies better when you are depressed. It’s your thinking that lowered your spirits to begin with: doing more of the same will only make matters worse.
The only reason you have tried to think yourself out of a depression in the past is because you knew of no other options.
But you wouldn’t put salt in your wound once you knew it was going to sting like crazy. Thinking while you are depressed is similar to pouring a bucket of salt over a deep cut!
A change is as good as a rest
In my experience, a “pattern interrupt” is often more effective than rehashing old thought patterns.
A pattern interrupt could be a change of scene (e.g travel). It could be a change in physiological state (e.g. exercise, cold water exposure). It could be a change in job or career.
A change is as good as a rest. Maybe better?
As ever, everyone is different and these things are complicated! This is why you need to be able to come at problems from multiple angles.
Love to everyone
Barney
If you’d like to discuss career coaching or financial coaching, please hit reply or set up an introductory call with me here.